Venture into the Mind of Mari

Julie and Julia

2009-09-07T18:42:00.001-07:00

sooo. I watched the movie julie and julia and it was soo cute! and it made me wanna update my blog SO bad!

Not much happening on my side of the train tracks. Just school, senior year at school i should say and work: Serving tables at Pizza Hut. It's not much but it pays and at this point I'm just glad i got A job that pays anything.

I am

2009-02-14T18:02:00.001-08:00

I am the voice that sings in falling rain.
I wonder if anyone can hear my words...not just my melody...my voice.
I tried to catch the moon, but she is forever dancing across the cobalt sky....
I hope that my heart will return soon....
I am forever skating on the wind.

I pretend I can swim like a 'maid in her home, ocean blue...
I feel the sun drinking my skin, warm and inviting....Never cold, never unfriendly to me...
I touch the broken shards of glass, who threatens to slice my copper skin...
I worry I may fall out of the crystal blue seas, when my world is turned upside down, again.
I am the fading ember in her heart, hoping one day I will extinguish hers in mine completely....
I understand the melancholy instrument, the Mournful Lover...who cries for it's Maker...
I dream I soared across the sky, feeling the odd drop in my stomach when I let myself twist in the clouds...even when I am warm on the ground...
I say to myself or more the the crying rain, "You are my tears...for I refuse to cry any longer for a meaningless broken heart.
I try my best to speak through my very best aquaintance...as I press down of her black and white keys...producing a sound so rich--
I hope that my heart will able to swim again, for
I am the voice deeply hidden inside the falling rain...

Heartshaped Box

2009-01-22T20:26:00.001-08:00

All my memories of you,
Are kept in my heart-shaped box.
Full of emptiness and sorrow-
Under key and under lock.

What is next, my fair Prince of Dorix?
Of our all but simple lives bestowed-
For there must be more,
Than the fiery Hells below.

Tell me again,
My Beloved Prince of Dorix,
Or our long forgotten Paradise,
And what is laid in ruin before us.

Was I just blind?
And I could not see?
Was it all a sweet illusion,
Of simple simplicity?

Whisper to me, my Prince,
Of you undying love for me.
That it is all but simple,
And not just the Bird and the Bee.

Tell me, dear Prince,
That it is naught but a dream,
And their murderous words mean nothing,
And cannot harm you and me.

Where are you, Prince of Dorix?
Did the King and Queen take you beyond my reach?
And have they drained the love from your heart,
like the blood thirsty leech...?

1000

2009-01-11T17:38:00.000-08:00

A thousand breaths later
A bed of desire cradles
My every fiber
Inside of me: a stoking fire
Call me a liar as I tell you the truth about her
I loved him, I kissed him
I killed him, I miss him
But now my every fiber
Is labeled liar
Two thousand breaths later
On a cradle of desire

Fireproof

2009-01-11T17:37:00.002-08:00

What a shame it's gone to waste
We sit around waiting to be replaced.
Promises sucked dry of all meaning
Innocent hearts dying.
I wait in this shadowed room,
for a love song to consume
me again.
Another night spent
thinking of you wherever you are
---------------
*(chorus)*
Oh no, can you feel the pressure
crushing down on you heart?
well sure enough,
it's getting thicker and thicker.
Making me Sicker, and sicker
trying to swallow this burning feeling
upside down, staring at the ceiling.

I don't want to let on
That I haven't let this go,
I'm still waiting for a miracle to show
it's face, clear and strong
I'm running out of oxygen
barely holding onto my pen
---------
*Chorus

Bridge:
Why do we love to leave these hearts burning in the sun?
Smiling, until there's nothing that can be done
------
*Chorus

Elegy for Her Sanity

2009-01-11T17:36:00.001-08:00

Heavy metal doors
Creak, close shut.
Screams are heard from more
than the end of the hall.
Bouncing off the wall and floor.
No light enters, or escapes here as
They come closer toward the door,
Smiles on their face,
Discovering secrets stuffed in drawers
No eye has seen, no ear has heard
The silent tears shed for the mourn
Of his memory,
Only this and nothing more.

Autumn Sonata

2009-01-11T17:35:00.001-08:00

Leaves spiral down to the cold ground.
Whirlwinds take
Luscious reds, golden yellows, and vibrant oranges on a wild
Flight on the wind's evanescent wings.

Two Mourning Doves move closer to each other,
Feathers puffed to keep them warm and cozy.
They can feel Winter's cold, icy breath
Tickling at their necks.

Almost as if Her snow white lips
Were forming to let a joyous laugh
Escape from behind them,
Echoing off the half naked willow trees.

Bouncing from wall to wall
Like loud ringing church bells
Sending shivers down the minister's back every time they toll.
These silver bells thrive to sing their hypnotic sonata.

The buoyant sun perched in the sky,
Observes the metamorphic scene below.
His fervent rays wash over one's skin
Comforting the shivering traveler
As his red, bare feet crunch in the white dust.

Paper Masquerade

2009-01-11T17:34:00.001-08:00

It feels like I'm starting all over again,
With my mask on my face...
Maybe, just maybe...could I win tonight...?
(Over you.)
Why can't you understand?
That what I've said was a lie--
How could you believe that I'm alright, I'm not fine...

You used to see right through me,
Like a mirror on the wall...
Can you only see your face this time...?

((Chorus))
We traded our hearts..
For each an empty hole...?
Hold onto what's left of me,
Can't stop screaming,
Won't give in to my fear of silence
Could it be? Can you not see past my paper masquerade...?
so obvious...

Searching for myself,
Lost in an illusion of forgotten love...
to a ghost, and I fall to the floor,
With no one there to catch my bleeding heart.

Can you hear my screaming in your itching ears?
Can you hear me when I'm 10,000 years away...
When I was always there,so close ((left behind))

((Chorus x 2))

Ending:
It feels like I'm starting all over again,
With my mask on my face...

starlight

2009-01-11T17:32:00.002-08:00

Wake up to another day,
Making another excuse of what to say…
over and over again.
To myself…"I’m fine…I’m okay."
I waste another wish on a shooting star, that you'll somehow stay…
yeah, yeah...

[CHORUS]
STARLIGHT, STAR BRIGHT
I THINK I’M LOST TONIGHT…
I WISH I MAY, I WISH I MIGHT
HELP ME FIND MY VOICE TONIGHT…

Lay awake, till four AM
Waiting for my tears to fall, again…
I can't feel the beating of my heart--
Torn, left open... and scarred
yeah, yeah...

STARLIGHT, STAR BRIGHT
I KNOW I’M LOST TONIGHT…
I WISH I MAY, WITH ALL MY MIGHT
HELP MY FIND MY VOICE TONIGHT…

I'm left to wish on stars….
don't want to carve this song on my heart again,
and leave more scars...
yeah, yeah…
I'm slipping away so hold me tight
Cause I’m losing all my will to fight…

FOUR AM AND I’M STILL AWAKE
WASTING ANOTHER WISH THAT I'M ABOUT TO MAKE
STARLIGHT, STAR BRIGHT
AM I TOO LOST FOR YOU TO FIND ME, TONIGHT…?
I WISH I MAY, WHILE YOU’RE STILL IN MY SIGHT…
HELP ME FIND MY HEART AGAIN…

Rain

2009-01-11T17:32:00.001-08:00

Hiding behind a smile
I wait for the memory to take it's toll...
pictures play in my mind, starting to unfold...
over and over until my heart begins to cry
my sick lullaby...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{CHORUS}
CAN'T LET A SINGLE DROP OF RAIN FALL
CUZ I FEAR THAT I CAN'T STOP THEM ALL THIS TIME
HOLD MY BREATH AS YOU TEAR WHAT'S LEFT OF THIS HEART OF MINE
PLEASE STAY JUST ONE MORE MOMENT WITH ME
PLEASE GIVE ME ONE LAST CHANCE TO BREATHE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
do you know how it feels to be all alone?
left staring blankly at the phone?
(i was broken up inside
you smiled and watched as i cried)
trying to find a way to escape again,
waiting for the pain that never ends!!
{CHORUS}
==============================================
[BRIDGE]
shake your head
and watch me make the same mistakes again
you take her hand
i watch you make the
same mistake again and again and again and AGAIN!

Emergency

2009-01-11T17:31:00.000-08:00

She wanted him,
but it didn't serve any good pretend
that she was okay
yeah "I'd rather stay than see his eyes again..."
But she couldn't see how much pain it'd be, WOAH!
to stay next to him
and stay alive just to disagree....
___________________________________________
She said she was so, so sorry
yeah she said that she'd fix everything
with just a melody
and she said that she was hurting,
but she couldn't see
all the love that was the key
all night she would pray
and she just threw it all away!
____________________________________________
Round 2 again,
she's too afraid to bend to
her own desires
911, emergency!!!
the reflection is her and me, WOAH!
911, emergency!!!
i can't stand this conspiracy of mine,
against me
______________________________________________
(Chorus)
______________________________________________
She's too much of a coward, woah
to say what's on her heart today...
She relyed on them way too much,
and she just threw them away!

Too late

2009-01-11T17:26:00.000-08:00

With stars in your eyes,
We dream of the day that we can escape this place
I wonder how long we’ll follow
This road to nowhere…
‘Cause everything is so hard for me to swallow
All of these lies grow old,
As all the words I want to scream go cold.

[I’m so tired to slipping under
With all of my regret.
How long ‘till I can let myself smile again?
You took me by the hand and whispered
“Not yet,
Keep your eyes on the prize
And don’t ever look down again
Just trust me]

I’ve been driving through the rain
Trying so hard to break out
From these chains.
Still I find myself singing that Song
Over and over until I’m strong
Enough.

{and I’m so tired to slipping under
With all of my shame
How much longer ‘till
I can see that we don’t hold any of the blame…
Take me by the hand and tell me
“It’s all part of the game,
Close your eyes and make a wish.
Do you trust me?}

[bridge] Waste all your time criticizing other hearts
Without a light, are you afraid that you’ll
Stagger in the dark?
Fold your hands
And pray that time will understand.

This heart of mine slowly
Gains weight
Am I too late?
Yeah, why
Why am I so wary to let you know
That I haven’t let you go…
And all I want to sing is I’m sorry.
{Repeat}

Yeah all I wanna sing that I’m sorry.
But I know it’s too late and I’ve left my mark
I’ve broken your heart more times that I can count
I have to let this out.
But it’s too late…